The perfect son

A: I have the perfect son. 
B: Does he smoke? 
A: No, he doesn't. 
B: Does he drink whiskey? 
A: No, he doesn't. 
B: Does he ever come home late? 
A: No, he doesn't. 
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? 
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

संता और साइकिल

जज: तुम पर साइकिल चोरी करने का इलज़ाम साबित नहीं हुआ, लिहाज़ा तुम्हे बा-इज़त बरी किया जाता हा।
संता: इसका मतलब मैं वो साइकिल रख लूं!

Beggar's Bed

Woman sitting on a park bench.
Beggar: Hi Darling! Let's have some fun...
Woman (Angrily): How dare you!
Beggar: Then what are you doing on my bed?

Sleep and Drink Coffee!

Santa and Banta are discussing...
Santa: "If I drink coffee, I can't sleep."
Banta: "With me it's the opposite. If I sleep, I can't drink coffee." ;)

How Punjabi teacher speaks English?

• Don't dare to talk in front of my back.
• Both of you 3, get out of the class.
• Open the window, let the AIRFORCE come.
• Take 5 cm. wire of any length.
• I have 2 daughters, both are girls.
• All of you, stand in a straight circle.
• Close the window, I have winter in my nose today.

Boating in Dry River!

Santa was rowing a boat in dry river.
Banta said: "Sardars like you are ruining the name of our community! If I could swim, I would have slapped you!"

Which Book Helps?

Man conducting marketing survey asked a lady:
"Which book has helped you most in your life?"
Lady: "My husband's cheque book."

Lovers & Chips!

In a park; 2 lovers eating chips by looking into each other's eyes.
Girl: Dear! What are you thinking right now?
Boy: I think you are eating more chips than me.

Error and Warning

A software engineer was smoking.
A girl asked: "Didn't you see the warning?
Smoking is injurious to health."
He replied: "We bother only about errors; not warnings."

Guys are Guys...Really!

Teacher: Everyone, write your lover's name on a paper.
(After 2 seconds)
Girls: Finished teacher.
(After 10 minutes)
Boys: Supplimentary please!

Essay - Cow

By Bihari,
(Please read at your own risk. You may forget your English by the time you finish!)
"He is the cow. He has got 4 legs together. 2 are forward and 2 afterwards. Its gives milk which comes from 4 taps attached to the basement. Its motion is very useful, green color. It has tail situated in the backyard and has hair on it to frighten flies. Many use it as vehicle also. Therefore cow rockz..."

Twinkle Twinkle

Twinkle twinkle li'l sardar,
Everybody wonders what they are,
Up above d head so high,
Dimag portion is alwayz dry,
Flying a joodi in d sky,
Has pey yaar don't feel shy.

Lost cheque book

Sardar lost his cheque book.
Manager: Take care, can anyone put your sign?
Sardar: How can others sign? I am not fool, I have already signed all cheques.

Confusion

Professor: When could be the India's biggest confusion day?
Student: Sir, when Raksha Bandhan will come on 14th Feb.

Dialling 001

Santa asked to Banta-
"If you dial 001, then what will happen?"
Banta- "Police jeep will come, but in reverse gear..."

Curtains for computer

Santa asked a salesman to give him curtains for his computer.
Salesman: Why do you need curtains for your computer?
Santa: Because I have windows on my computer.

मोबाइल जेनरेशन

एक बच्चा पैदा होते ही नर्स से बोला- "मोबाइल है क्या?"
नर्स- "है, पर तू क्या करेगा?"
बच्चा- "कुछ नहीं बस भगवन को मिस कॉल करनी है कि मैं पहूंच गया!!"

टैक्सी और सरदार

टैक्सी ड्राइवर: "पापा जी! पैट्रोल ख़त्म हो गया है। गाड़ी आगे नहीं जा सकती। "
सरदार जी : "कोई बात नहीं , reverse ले लो, वापिस घर चलेंगे। "

Deep Mines

Santa and Banta decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby. After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Banta gets called in for his interview.

The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had.

The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked?

Banta says, "Oh, about 8 to 10 feet."

The boss says, "Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you're no miner!"

On his way out, Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Santa gets called in.

The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before?

Santa says, "Oh sure."

The boss asks how deep underground he worked.

Santa says, "I used to work in a mine 20,000 feet underground."

The boss says, "20,000 feet, Wow! That is incredible!, "What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground?"

Santa says, "Oh, I didn't need a light, I worked on the day shift!"

Stop redundancy

The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until the first time.

Their Pre-meeting Statement wanted to make this clear before they had their first meeting, so that it would not be more confusing.

So their first meeting will actually be their first meeting and they will not have a meeting before the first meeting.

This should avoid having people show up for their first meeting before it is held, since to do so would be confusing to those who did so and this is what they want to avoid by reducing the confusion and lessening the repetition.